A series where I write about my favourite things – basically posts where I spend way too many words describing mundane shit that make me unreasonably happy.
Of course I love books. Books are good, books are great, corners of the internet are exploding with articles about how awesome books are.
But there are books, and there are books. And there’s something heady about a big, fat, chunky, murder weapon of a book that tickles my lizard brain and makes me want to grab them all. There’s a reason why the word “Omnibus” is burned into my Amazon search bar. In fact, there are 5.
- Fat books have more to love: Hey, old people keep complaining about how this is the “give me more” generation, right? Might as well embrace it. Fat books simply have more to love. More characters. More depth. More stories. More detail. More toilet paper (for the 50 Shades of Gray Omnibus).
- Fat books are sexier: Continuing from the first point, fat books look sooooohoooo good on the shelf. The thick spines are usually more stylish because they have space for bits of artwork, and the book and author names are usually printed in big, bold letters. Go ahead – pull it out. Feel its heft. Run your finger along the binding. Flip through the pages and delight in how many more of them there are. Admit it, they’re more fun to touch.
- Fat books are useful: Screw the kitchen knife, if you want to really hurt someone with stuff just lying around, drop an omnibus hardcover on their head. Can’t reach the top shelf? Stack a couple of big books and step up. Want to read a big book? Use another one as a desk. Try THAT with your Penguin paperback.
- Fat books are healthier: Having a shelf full of omnibuses and hardcovers is guaranteed to give those arms a workout whenever you want to do some proper dusting. Which, if you love books as much as you should, is bound to be at least once a week. Hell, shelving and unshelving these suckers for your daily read should tone those biceps to no end.
- Fat books are a sign of commitment: Going through a big book is not easy. It requires patience (through the boring bits), understanding (that the author is trying his best to weave a complex story), intelligence (to make sense of the complex story) – all things that are vital in a good relationship. You walk into someone’s room and see a bunch of big, fat volumes, you know he or she is for real. After all, how can they commit to a relationship if they can’t commit to a thousand pages in one go?